I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
