Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
