But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
