i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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