oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
