I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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