you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
