you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
