there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
where are you?
Hypothermia
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
