Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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