gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
