weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
