She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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