are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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