I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
