I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
