I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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