so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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