Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
