Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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