Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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