I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
