i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
