Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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