I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
