my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
