I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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