first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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