he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
