my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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