Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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