I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
