I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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