My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
