She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
