Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize