my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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