My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
