Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
