you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
