i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
