Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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