forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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