OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
