I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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