Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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