I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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