I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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