When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
