So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
