I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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