It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
