this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
