$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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