But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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