But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
