I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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