Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
