I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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