"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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