i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
