it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
