Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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