I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
