i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
