More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
