Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
