i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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