Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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