It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
