i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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