so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
