You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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