There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
