i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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