Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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