I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
