i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
