but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
