I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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