omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
