the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
