Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
