I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
