I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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